Everyone is talking this week about Succession, and you know, FOMO. So here I am, reminding everyone that the things the incredible f**k brother bandwagon does should not be replicated, especially if you are leading teams. This will not be a recap of the series finale, but if you have not watched it, you should stop reading now. I must also warn you that I have been binge-watching the show, and now the swearing is strong in me. Be warned.

Still here? Yay! Okay, so let’s get to the list of Succession things you should not try at home (or the office).

Don’t be a horrible leader

Yes, this is a major truism. I almost feel ashamed I am writing such a cliché. The point I want to make here is that if you are a horrible leader, the folks looking up to you will also become horrible leaders, and those little b**ches replicate like roaches. The opposite is also true. You will succeed as a leader when you help create excellent leaders that go out there and produce magnificent leaders, and so on.

In Succession, Roy Logan, the all-powerful patriarch, is a first-class toxic a-hole. No wonder his progeny become arrogant, delusional, insecure, immature, self-destructing, barely functioning adults. I know that leadership is not the same as parenthood, but both have a nurturing component that is definitely lacking in the Roy household/enterprise of horrors. For a minute, I thought the show would end with Kendal fully becoming his manipulative, tyrannical father in a wicked, vicious circle of doom. It didn’t happen because the Roy kids are also mediocre and deeply damaged. Can you imagine the view from the board room when the siblings argue and a delusional Kendal yells: “I am the eldest boy!” Don’t be Kendal. When in doubt, think: What would Kendal do? Then do the f**king opposite.

Ok, folks out there write entire books on how to be a good leader. Still, I will give you some hints: build strong relationships based on trust and respect to foster a positive work environment and encourage collaboration. Lead by example. Display integrity, empathy, and a strong work ethic. Inspire and motivate. Recognize achievements, and provide guidance when needed. Learn continuously and seek self-improvement. In a nutshell, the exact opposite of Roy’s modus operandi. Lol, if Logan Roy heard me saying that, do you know what he would say?

Don’t trump up the numbers

Let’s continue with Kendal and when he manipulated the numbers to sell his foolish Living+ project to shareholders. Lukas Mattsson (in my head, still vampire-guy) is also guilty of sympathizing with inventiveness when it comes to numbers. Don’t do it. Please don’t do it. Don’t make up your data. These guys in Succession get away with it because they are 0,1%’ers. You are not. If you fake your data, it will come back to bite you in your beautiful working-class ass (I warned you). Apart from being dishonest (don’t be dishonest), there’s no scenario where you fake data and don’t have to pay the consequences, mostly in the shape of losing your stakeholders and leadership trust, which is, in my opinion, one of the worst things that can happen to you in the workplace.

Don’t fake data related to project progress or forecasting. Don’t fake data related to success metrics. And for god’s sake, don’t fake data that affects budgets.

And you may say: Montse, we are not fools. We would never fake data like that!

Yes, I know you are honest and accurate, my beautiful readers. Was Kendal aware, in the depths of his obsession with Living+, that he was making stuff up? In his head, the numbers were aggressive projections, not fake data per se. I am getting Theranos and We Work vibes here. So yeah, don’t be too creative with data when you get super enthusiastic about your projections or under pressure. If numbers don’t add up, they don’t add up, and it is better to face it sooner than later. Don’t be deceptive, be brave and honest.

Don’t communicate like a snarky Pulitzer prize winner or baroque politician on drugs

Succession dialogues thrive when they bathe in miscommunication, suspicion, and doubt. It makes for terrific TV. Don’t mimic that in real life, please.

So Succession characters spend half the time being cynical and sarcastic like this:

Or being stupidly hazy like this:

If you go with the first, it will make you feel smart. If you abuse it, you will come up as an a-hole. If you go with the second, you will look stupid, inefficient, and incompetent.

As you, hopefully, don’t live in a TV show where everyone, including your mother, will backstab you at the slightest opportunity, please behave like a functional human being and always be clear and direct but kind and sensible, especially when delivering essential information. I will write more about delivering critical information in the future, but as a rule of thumb, put yourself in the shoes of the person receiving the information and think about what they need from you. Ha, ha, it just came to mind that this rule requires empathy, which is the very thing everyone is lacking in Succession.

Other stuff you shouldn’t do

• Don’t lick other’s people cheese.
• Don’t send dirty pics to your coworkers.
• Don’t send your blood to your coworkers.
• Don’t kill people.
• Don’t wear aviator jackets.
• Don’t force your guests to crawl around on the ground making pig noises while you throw sausages at them.
• Don’t overlook sexual abusers working for you.
• Don’t use your grandchild as a food tester.
• Don’t sue Greenpeace.
• Don’t run for president.
• Don’t manipulate an election.
• Don’t go to a posh party with a large bag.
• Don’t eat someone else’s chicken (never mind, you can do this one).

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